Somebody broke into my apartment last night! I heard some crazy old mans voice saying “ho ho ho”, so I stormed downstairs to see some huge fat bearded guy in a red suit placing things underneath the Xmas tree. I kicked him in the balls and he dove out my window. Then he threw some sort of black gem stone at me and said “that’s yours you miserable cunt” and then jumped into a reindeer sleigh and took off at high speed before I could catch the bastard.

Oddly, he left presents under the tree for all my visitors today. I’m not sure what type of gem stone he gave me, but hopefully it’s valuable.